Sorry for the lack of blog posting, but it’s exam period, I have a total of 11 exams, and I have done my first one today, which was Biology, I also have the dreaded History exams, and as you may already know, the History topics cause me to have extreme anxiety attacks due to my fear of certain words and so on. I will do a post about how that exam went, but I don’t have it for another two weeks at the least(Phew!).
Maybe I should do a video on this topic, about my fears and so on, would anyone like that? I am still in the process of editing a video more about me in my normal life, which I won’t upload until I do a few more videos. I have a list of them!
For all of you sitting exams like me this year, good luck to you all. Go into the exam with a positive mind, and you will get positive grades. I believe in you!
For the people like me, who suffer from multiple struggles, then we can get through this together! Remember to relax, and recharge yourself. Don’t worry about the exams, just believe in yourself, and you can get what you want. If you want a C in maths, then lets do this together! If you want an A* in English, then I believe in you, you can do this!
Good luck to you all xxx
This post is about two little posts I did when I was going through a really bad stage when I just constantly felt angry, I wrote them during the heat of the moment really.
I’ve been so angry lately, I just shout at people! I feel like my brain is just exploding, I’m lying in bed and darkness is taking over my mind, everything is so confusing, I’m so confused!
I want to tell my therapist, but I always lie to her and tell her everything is okay. But it’s not.
What the hell is happening to me?!
I’ve never been so angry to people in all my life.
I want to say what I think, but if I did, I’d be majorly judged and people would be horrified from how violent some of my inner thoughts are. Ugh, I have to keep everything in.
Haha, woah, I’m going crazy.
That’s all I can really say.
This one is the most recent one:
Saturday 12/ Sunday 13
Well it’s almost midnight on Saturday the 12th of April, and I’m still awake, Insomnia is troubling me again after a very long period of no interrupted sleep(Yay for good sleeping!)
Ugh, but I have been cursed with tummy pains, nausea and the feeling of someone clawing away at my insides.
Every night, before I try to go bed.
The only good thing that has happened is that my angry outbursts have calmed down, very much, I am very pleased!
I just want to sleep! I feel like poo, why have I been cursed with all this?
Earphones in, music on, time will pass, and it will soon be over.
I honestly don’t know what had been happening to me then, but I’m glad to say that everything is pretty much back to normal!
I don’t know what the point in this post is, I just thought I’d post it.
Yay!! Finally got my YouTube channel up and running with its first video! Here is the link in case you want to check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f4LJpxEeUE
I do have more videos planned and I will do them some point soon, but if you have any other suggestions, feel free to tell me! 😀
So I was kindly asked by my good friend Ellen to take part in the OCD Blog Hop, I’ve never done this before so I still don’t have a clear idea of what to do, but I am giving it a go as this month, the theme is quotes. I have found 2 quotes I like, well, I wouldn’t really say quote myself, but it’s up to you do decide if it is or not. The first one is “You were born to be real, not perfect”.
And the second one is “Just because there are people out there who have it worse off than you, that doesn’t mean your problems don’t matter”.
I don’t know why I like the second one, it just shows that people are willing to listen to your problems and are willing to help no matter how small or big that problem is.
I think the reason why I like the first one is pretty obvious, the quote is right, no one is born to be perfect.
Okay, so I really want to start making videos to go with my blog, and I don’t know the best place to do them, I have two possible places, and I want to hear from people who would watch my videos, where is best to do so. I will put two pictures of the two places that I like so you can decide for yourselves! Now I just want to say some things first:
1. I’m sorry I am in my jim jams, but I took the pictures quickly
2. I promise that I will look better in my videos
3. Sorry for the bad quality, when the videos are filmed in natural light, they will be much better
4. Sorry for the awkward poses, I didn’t know what to do!
5. Sorry about the odd level on the second picture! My tripod legs were at different lengths
Anyway, the two places I have selected are 1. On my bed and 2. On a chair/bed in the corner of my room
I want to sleep, but I can’t.
I am tired, but I’m not.
I want to stay up late, but then again I don’t.
Every night it’s the same, fighting with myself constantly, but I alway loose to being awake.
I eventually get to sleep, this is relief. But it doesn’t last long. Bed at midnight, awake again at 4.
The bags under my eyes get bigger and bigger as the nights go on.
Still no one knows of the struggles I deal with when night falls.
Every night it’s the same. Insomnia is slowly taking over.
I recently got a lovely camera for Christmas from my dad. I have so many plans for my camera, Photography A-Level, YouTube Vlog/channel to go with my blog, and nail art tutorials(I’ll have different channels if this ever happens).
I think what I’d like to do with it mostly is to film small videos to go with blog posts, or even video art to go with some things on my blog(for example, my post called Insomnia, I’ll post it tomorrow!). Just covering small topics that people have requested or what I think people might want to know, it’s just filming something is better than typing, especially for someone like me with Dyslexia. I hope that I can get people to understand more about how OCD is not an adjective, or something to be used to point out someone’s quirks. I want people to know how bad Anxiety gets, and what it feels like. In my opinion, I’d love to do something like this, but would anyone actually watch them? I hope to work with the channel along side a fellow blogger, so hopefully everything will go well! 🙂
Today I bought a notebook. I have decided I am going to use it to write down my feelings when I’m down, and use it to write some quick poetry to express how I’m feeling. I have already written in it, and I hope to use it more to write my feelings and it will hopefully help me let it all out, I hope that if people do the same it helps them get through rough times, I guess that writing helps get out your anger or anxiety. Yay for writing! And yay for notebooks!
Last week I said I had a meeting with CHAMS to discuss CBT or any other form of help I can get. It didn’t really go that well, I’m not comfortable around new people who constantly ask me questions or straight on talk to me. So I made my mum do most of the talking. We talked about how my OCD is just a rapid cycle and if I got CBT, how they would try to stop my fear of metal objects. But being me, I just cried and stared out the window thinking of rabbits. My mum also discussed how she thinks I am on the Autistic Spectrum, but doesn’t want me tested because she doesn’t want me to ‘have a label’, in my opinion, I’m already labled as ‘the girl with OCD’ so it doesn’t make a big difference as I’m already labled.
Because my anixety was pretty high already, the lady who I had the meeting with didn’t see the true me, so I may have counselling sessions as I am not ready for CBT yet. I am prepared to leave behind the CBT for now, and try self help first so I can work on my own in my own time. But if self help doesn’t work, then I can either have CBT, or be out on medication. No one understands how much I’d hate to be put in medication! I have had another meeting booked for the 28th, so I will see how well that goes before I make a proper decision, but so far, I’d rather try self help so I am in complete control of everything.